We All Have Our Lies
by wanderingninjas
Summary: Schuester gives the Glee Club a peculiar assignment: write down a short reflection about the lie they regret telling most. LAST CHAPTER POSTED. Which is Brittany, if anyone wants to know.
1. Quinn

**Authors note: **While I know I really should stick to finishing Falling to Quickly, this idea came to me a day or so ago and it just stuck in my head. Basically, Schue gives the Glee club an assignment to write down the lie they regret most and explore the reasons behind it, why they regret it, etcetera. Most of the lies are obviously lies, but some were actually things said in the show I decided to make a lie. Why? Because I like manipulating the system, that's why. Haha. Actually, because I ship mostly non-canon couples, I decided to make some things lies to advocate the couples I ship. And while no one actually gets together with the person they're in love with in the story (it's a Midsummer's Night Dream love web), I like the idea of the Glee Club all being unrequitedly in love with each other.

And without further ado, may I present to you the first lie essay, or whatever you'd like to call it. For no other reason than I absolutely love her, Quinn goes first. After that, though, the order will be random. Just whoever I felt like writing at the moment.

So yeah. Enjoy.

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**QUINN**

"_Ask Jeeves said a hot tub is the perfect temperature for sperm. It… it helps it to swim faster."_

We all know that's the lie I regret most, right? Was it even necessary for me to write it down? I thought not.

And no, for those of you who are confused, telling Finn Ask Jeeves said hot tubs help sperm swim faster is not the lie I regret most in itself. To me, this one lie encompassed the whole thing, the whole elaborate lie I concocted to try and keep Finn. Once I had said this, it was impossible to go back. I couldn't tell Finn that it was actually Puck that knocked me up after this. At least, I couldn't if I had any hope that he may forgive me for cheating on him.

Maybe I should have stopped the moment Finn swallowed the lie about the hot tub. Okay, so yeah, maybe is stupid. I should have, we all know it. I didn't need to go ahead and take further advantage of his limited intelligence. I knew if I said Ask Jeeves had information backing up this possibility, he would have no doubts that I was pregnant by his child.

I know right now you all think I'm horrible. Well, truth is, I am. I won't deny it. No one should lie to their boyfriend about something like this. I knew that. And I went ahead and did it anyway. Some Christian I am.

You're also thinking I'm a selfish little brat. On that point, however, I would beg to differ. Was I a brat once? Yeah. But I stopped when I found out I was pregnant. Even if I still was a bitch, I wasn't self-absorbed enough to think I had done no wrong.

Was I selfish by lying to Finn? On the outside, it appears so. It would make sense that the only reason I told him it was his daughter I was carrying so he would stay with me. And that was part of it, I admit. Finn is a great guy, and he was an amazing boyfriend to me, even when I didn't deserve him. Maybe after all he gave me, I should have just let him go, spared him some of the pain. But I loved him far too much.

Hell, I'm still in love with him. Even as I look up and see Sam sprawled on the floor of my room, writing his own regrets down, I still love Finn. But he doesn't love me anymore. He does love Rachel, and she loves him. They deserve each other. I'm not going to screw his life up anymore.

But anyway. There is another reason I lied to Finn. And no, it has nothing to do with retaining popularity, etcetera.

I wanted my baby to have a good dad. Whatever Puck said, whatever he did, he's never going to be a good dad. Or at least he won't be in high school. Finn, although not exactly what anyone would call bright, is going to be an excellent father some day. He's kind, compassionate, understanding, loving, and a whole bunch of other things little girls need their dads to be. And while I think I always knew deep down I was going to give Beth up, I still wanted it to be Finn believing she was his. I wanted to think the man I chose to be her dad was a good one, even if she would never know him.

That probably makes no sense to you. That's okay, though. It doesn't need to. You might think I'm just making excuses for the horrible lie I told. You probably think I should still be seeking forgiveness from Finn and all the other people I hurt in the mess I created. But I don't think I need to, not anymore. There will always going to be someone who judges me for my mistakes, but I'm not going to let that get to me. I've finally forgiven myself, and that's what really matters, I think. And while I'm always going to wish I would have told Finn I cheated on him to begin with, I can't go back and change what I did. The past is past.

So yeah. Even if I don't really need to say this, telling Finn my baby was his is the lie I most regret. I'm going to regret it every day of my life. But even so, I've moved on, because life isn't going to stop. I've just embraced it and made myself stronger for the situation I put myself in.

And that's all that really matters in the end, I think.

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	2. Finn

**Author's Note: **Thank you all for the story alerts and favorites, and in Just Lurking's case, reviewing! Before I get on with it, I'd like to say to Just Lurking (if you're still reading this): Puck loving Quinn doesn't make him a good dad. And doing his best as a dad wouldn't necessarily make him a good one. Also, whatever character growth he showed in season one was wiped out by the beginning of season two. And this isn't really a Fuinn story, it's just Quinn still in love with Finn. I think you'll see quite plainly here he doesn't love her back. So anyways, I apologize to anyone who is not Just Lurking. It's just that that review was anonymous, and I'd really like that reviewer to see the reasoning behind my thoughts.

So obviously, the next lie we're exploring is Finn's. This is one that probably wasn't actually a lie, but because of my own non-canon shippings, I've twisted it into one. So no one go and think that Finn actually lied about this.

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**FINN**

_"I don't feel anything. I thought I'd feel different. But I don't feel anything. Because it didn't mean anything."_

You probably don't what I'm talking about. That's okay most of the time I don't even know what I'm talking about. Part of the reason I keep Rachel around is so she can tell me what I'm saying. She's weird that way. She always knows what I'm talking about even when I dont. And to balance it out I tell her when she gets to annoying.

Anyway. My lie. That I regret. Am I really going to admit this?

I guess i am. What choice do I have? I'm not going to lie about lying. So here goes…

I'm in love with Santana. Shocking I know. And before you flip and go all "what about Rachel" and stuff let me explain what this has to do with my most regretting lie. My lie… thats what I told her after she took my virginity. It took me a little bit too realize that it did mean something, what we did. I mean, she was my first. Even if it meant nothing at the time, I realized it did. Your first time is always gonna matter.

I guess I didn't feel anything right after we did it cause I was just numb. Shocked that I had gone through with it. And I didn't feel diferent because it hadn't really set in yet. That I wasn't innocent anymore.

But I think where I was most wrong was telling Santana that it didn't mean anything. I mean, god. Like I said before, it was my first time. Of course it means something. Of couse it wasn't special in the least to her, with whatever she says about accomplishing at least 20 or something like that. It just took me awhile to realize that I liked what happened. And I want more of it. Well maybe not sex exactly but Santana. I want more of her. I cant tell her that though or she would bite my head off for not taking the opportunity before or whatever. And everyone with a working pair of eyes can see she is in love with Brittany. Whatever I feel for her it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe it could have at some point, right after we did it. But not now.

Now before you seriously flip out about Rachel, let me explain. Rach is great and all and a part of me does love her too. But I just don't think she is the one for me. She talks too much and even though I know she's a good person under all that snobby, obnoxius perfectonism, a lot of the time she's acting like she's better than me at everything. I mean at a lot of things she is but its still really annoying. And she is always trying to control me.

I think I could look past all that and really love her fully if it weren't for Santana. Maybe I was the only one who felt it, but something passed between us the night we did it, something that can't be erased. I know its crazy of me to love Santana. She _is _a bitch. I won't deny that. So I really dont know why I love her. Although lately ive been thinking that it might have something to do with th e bitchiness. I think I have a thing for girls who try to control me. Quinn was certainly that way. Rachel definitely is. And Santana is. The difference is that quinn isnt really a bitch when you get down too it and Rachel isnt oen to begin with.

But whatever the reason, I love Santana. A lot. Regardless I have no chance. I blew whatever chance I could have had with her by telling her that us doing it didn't mean anything.

And I so regret that now.

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**For anyone confused by the bad grammar/spelling/punctuation/just general bad writing in this chapter, it's not because I was being careless. It's just that it's _Finn. _I'm trying to stay in character here. And dude's just a little lost sometimes. I mean, controllist. Come on. But if you think this is bad... wait till we get to Brittany.**

**On one last note... Love? Hate? Somewhere in between? No matter which way, leave me a review. They seriously rock my world.  
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	3. Santana

**Author's Note: **I'd like to say thanks again for the favorites and story alerts! Seriously, knowing someone likes my story freakin' rocks my whole world. So with that being all I'd like to say right now... May I present: the regrets of Santana Lopez...

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**SANTANA**

"_I'm like a lizard. I need something warm beneath me or else I can't digest my food."_

Be warned. If you're expecting me to sugarcoat anything even remotely inappropriate just because a teacher is going to read it, you're as wrong as anyone who thinks Bristol Palin should still be on Dancing with the Stars. (Not that I watch that cheesy show. But if I did, I would say that Mark Ballas totally should not have shaved off his hair. Not, like, because I even know who that it is. It's, um… just something I heard Quinn say). But anyway. I'm going to lay it all out like it is. Just remember you asked for it, Schuester.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to business. First I'd like to state that, on the contrary to popular belief, I am not in love with Brittany. I can tell that everyone thinks we are. Hell, even she thinks we are. And while I'm aware the fact that I fuck my best friend every week is rather incriminating evidence, I'm really not in love with her. No, that is not because I have no ability to love. It's just that I don't love very many things.

Also, I'd just like to say I over exaggerated how long I can go without making out. I'm not as much of a slut as to need it every twelve hours. Really, I can usually last around forty-eight. After that, I need to make out with someone, o I don't always need sex; just a quick fix of a make out is fine. And yes, I usually turn to Brittany for it. Truth is, she's just a placeholder. I know it's really cruel for me to string her along like this, but I'm a cruel person. I know that. Regardless, I really wish sometimes I could just come out and tell her I don't feel that way about her. But she probably wouldn't understand, so what's the point? But anyway, there's only one person I want to kiss, but unfortunately, she's taken. Yes, she. No, I'm not lesbian. Just bi.

So I can practically see the anticipation on your face now. Who do I really want to kiss? Is it some random Cheerio? Or Berry, as disturbing as that is? (I swear that rumor on Jacob's blog was absolute bullshit. Wherever he got the idea that I would actually ever like Berry in any way is repulsive. But he did pay dearly for it…) But anyway… I suppose I won't tease you anymore, though it is quite entertaining.

It's Quinn.

Yes, it's true. I, Santana fucking Lopez, Queen of this pathetic school, am in love with Quinn Fabray. Now stop freaking out. I'm not even witnessing it and already it's quite tiring. If you're wondering when it happened, I've always been in love with her. Ever since she punched Puck in the face the first day of kindergarten for tripping me because my English wasn't very good. She was my best friend until she got pregnant. The only reason I rejected her then was because that is what was expected of me to do in this stupid social hierarchy. In reality, all I wanted to do was hold her and make everything alright for her again.

I'm aware I sound completely ridiculous. But Quinn has always possessed some ability to turn me into a freaking sap. It's rather disgusting, but I love her anyway. Always have, always will.

Now, I do know she will never love me back. She's quite possibly the straightest girl I have _ever _met. I blame Jesus for turning her into a prude. (Sorry, God). Even if I could muster up the courage to tell her, she'd just freak. Still, I do regret not having the courage to do that.

So for right now, Brittany is all I have. When I kiss her, I can almost imagine she is Quinn if I'm far enough gone. Messing around with Brit just warms my empty, barren soul when it feels like the whole world is against me. But Quinn… she would set my whole my whole soul on fire, given the chance.

One last thing… you ever tell anyone about this, whoever you are, and you will die. And I'm completely fucking serious.

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	4. Mercedes

**Author's Note: **Thank you all so so much for the continued support! I can't tell you how much knowing people are liking this story is appreciated.

I feel like I had something else to say, but I can't remember (:P)... so in that case, here you are. Mercedes' Jones most shameful lie...

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**MERCEDES**

"_Thanks. But I'm not hungry."_

Sometimes, I really, truly, hate myself for telling Quinn that. Sure, she knew it wasn't true, but it made me seem weak. And if there is one thing I fear, it's being weak. In a town like Lima, being one of the few black kids makes you strong from a very young age. I'm still ashamed that I allowed that strength I built up to be shattered, just for a chance to be popular.

Thankfully, Quinn saved me from myself (and Sue), and she helped me to start to build my inner strength back up. That girl is truly amazing, even if she can't see it. For all she's been through, for all the mistakes she's made, she's made herself stronger. And there's nothing I admire more than that in a person.

You're probably thinking I've gone crazy. Since when does William McKinley High School's most fabulous black woman sing the praises of Quinn Fabray, knocked-up, cheer leading bitch? Well, I've got a newsflash for y'all: she might be an extremely stereotypical cheerleader (on appearance), and she may have been stupid enough to let Puck get her pregnant, but girl's no bitch, however much she may have acted like one in the past. Quinn really is a good person when you bother to get around all the defenses she's built up.

I know bringing me a granola bar hardly makes her seem like the kindest person in the world, but it's more what she said to me that day I fainted that made a difference. She made me believe in myself again. She reminded me that the world is not comprised of Sues. And she told me I was beautiful. No one, besides my parents, has ever told me I am beautiful. While I certainly would have preferred it coming out of a guy's mouth (preferably tall, dark, and handsome. If that description fits you, drop me a line), it was still so, so nice of Quinn to say. I don't even want to think where I would be right now if she hadn't said it. Would I be puking my guts out to try and lose yet another ten pounds? In the hospital from a toxic amount of Sue's Master Cleanse? That may seem extreme, but both were entirely real possibilities given the direction I was headed while I was on the Cheerios.

I'm just glad I can be comfortable in my own skin again. Not that I ever shouldn't have been. Being an overweight black woman is not the worst possibility in high school. Sure, Santana might say it is, but everyone knows the bitch just hates me for my voice. And that whole Puck thing. But anyways. I can be hungry now without feeling like a failure. I don't have to work for something that is unrealistic. To some girls, that might sound like an entirely even exchange: their happiness for a nice body and popularity, but really, it's not. No one should be able to convince you otherwise.

Not that I regret my time as a Cheerio. It was really fun, besides the whole weight issues. But in the end, a ditzy, stupid, tiny-ass cheerleader is not who I am. I am an intelligent, fashionable, and most importantly, proud black woman. Now that I can see that clearly, I'm not giving it up again. I am who I am, and nobody, especially some lonely, delusional old white lady is going to change that.

As the immortal Dr. Seuss once said…

"Be who you are and say what you feel: because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

And that, ladies and gentleman, is what I tell myself whenever I have a craving for some sweet sugar.

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So drop me a line, y'all.


	5. Mike

**Author's Note: **So here we've got Mike Chang, reflecting on his lies, and actually mostly his confidence issues. I'd like to say I'm not entirely happy with how this turned out. I know exactly what I wanted to say for Mike, but yet the right words wouldn't come out. Maybe it's just because we don't really know anything about Mike, even with his increased role this season.

Also... Here we've got another person in love with Quinn. Even though I ship both Quike and Quinntana, even this seems a little much to me. Maybe it's just because I love Quinn and subconsciously I think everyone else should love her too that I decided to put both in this story. Though I might have to include some Puckleberry so not almost _everyone _is in love with her. (Sorry to those of you who I know are dedicated Quick shippers. If I can find a way to avoid Puckleberry I will).

Ah, well. To those of you who probably want to shoot me because this A/N is rather unimportant, here we are.

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**MIKE**

"_They're just not cool with me dressing up like a tranny."_

I guess that first I should apologize to you, Mr. Schue. My parents never knew I was originally supposed to play Frankenfurter for Rocky Horror. It was my decision to chicken out of the role. Truth be told, they probably would have let me play Frankenfurter.

See, I was all pumped up about having that role. And then when I got home and actually looked at the sheet music for "Sweet Transvestite" I freaked. I realized there was no way I could actually sing that. Sure, I might be able to sing well someday day with _a lot _of practice and maybe some singing lessons, but I couldn't have sung that. Or at least that was the reasoning behind my thoughts. So I told Schue that my parents would not let me dress up like a transvestite.

I'm really sorry I did that now, for many reasons. First, it almost ruined the whole production and all the work everyone was putting into it. Even if we ended up only performing the show for ourselves, that was way selfish of me. Also, it would have been nice to have a leading role. If I just could have managed to squash my fears I'm certain I would have had an awesome time. Though I don't feel too bad about that, since Mercedes looked like she was having the time of her life up there. Seriously, Mr. Schue, you don't appreciate her nearly enough. Give her more solos.

But the last reason I really regret lying to Mr. Schuester is that I managed to prove to myself that yet again, I don't have any self-confidence whatsoever. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

Well, maybe that's a tad bit of an overstatement. I'm confident with my dancing and my academic abilities, but that's about it. I've been told time and time again that I could be an amazing football player if I weren't so scared to participate in the game. The only reason Tina and I ever got together is because she kissed _me _first, not the other way around.

Not that I would have kissed her first. Tina's great, but sometimes she scares me just a little bit. Okay, maybe more like a lot. Her temper is just plain _nasty_. And she always has to have the upper hand in our relationship. It's not that I want to have control or anything. I just think we should be equals if we ever are to work out. Lately I've been thinking we won't. I've been considering just breaking up with her…

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't care about her. Tina and I have had some great times together. But I hate how everyone assumes we're dating only because we are like, the only attractive Asians at this stupid school. And I really am sick of her trying to control me. It's old. Also, I don't think she's over Artie.

Whoa. I just realized I spent two whole paragraphs rambling about something that's really not very relevant to the topic. Sorry. I tend to do that. If an easier topic comes up, I'll just grab a hold of it and go. That's what comes of being a shy kid most of your life. Wait! Crap, I'm doing it again.

So why was I even talking my relationship with Tina in the first place? Oh yeah. She started it, because I wouldn't ever have had the confidence to. (Or the desire).

Back to the topic of my confidence. I've always had issues with it, and the whole tranny lie was just further proof of that once I had started to believe in myself. My self-esteem issues are the reason I probably won't break things off with Tina and go after the girl I really like. Which is, by the way, Quinn.

Don't be too shocked about that. I've liked Quinn ever since I moved here in middle school. And for me, crushes don't die easy. It's not like I'll ever ask her out though, Tina or no. Finn, Puck, and Sam would all beat my ass. And it's not like she would ever like me that way either.

I did almost ask her out once. I built my damned confidence up for months during freshman year, and I was going to do it the last day of the school year. Then Finn had to go and screw it all up by asking her out the _second _to last day of year.

Sometimes I wonder if Quinn's life would have taken a different course if I'd asked her out. Would she have cheated on me with Puck? Would she have ended up getting pregnant? Probably not, because Puck's not _my _best friend.

But then again, would Quinn be a better person now without the pregnancy experience? Or would she still be that HBIC everyone feared? Probably. So I guess its better that I didn't ask her out. She's headed in a better direction now.

And sometimes you have to be happy if the love of your life is going to be okay, even if you won't be.

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_Tell me if you hated the way this turned out as much as I did. Or if you loved it for some reason. I don't care. Just leave me a review and make my day! :D_


	6. Tina

**Author's Note: **This lie I had to make up. Not the lie itself, but the actual wording. I have no idea how Tina would have actually started stuttering, so I just wrote something down. So here you are. Tina Cohen-Chang reflects on her stuttering days.

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**TINA**

"_I-I-I d-don't think I c-c-can give a sp-speech like th-this, Ms. F-Farmer. It wouldn't b-be fair."_

When I think back to sixth grade, I still wonder why I started to fake a stutter. Yeah, I know that I didn't want to give the stupid speech because I was shy and that I was trying to push people away. But really, it was only one speech. And I was more than willing to limit my whole life just to avoid it.

An actual, real stutter can prevent a person from getting a job and making friends. It can also cause others not to respect you just for a small disability. I think I knew all that at eleven years old but I didn't care. If I remember correctly, I thought getting a job wasn't very important. (I was a wise but yet naïve child). And who needed friends when I could have fun all by myself? And if I didn't have friends, why did I have to care about people respecting me?

Ah, the reasoning of a child determined to hide from the world. Because that's really all I wanted to do. To hide from people who wanted to be friends with me, or just people in general.

Hiding did have some advantages. I think being on my own so much allowed me to become who I am today, and I am proud of the person I am. I have my own unique style and I'm not really afraid of what others think of me. So that's the good thing growing up away from the herd. You don't allow yourself to conform to the norm.

Okay, so that was a really lame rhyme that I swear I did not mean to make. Just happened.

But anyways, I like being the Goth chick. I like not worrying what the masses think about me. So I guess in that sense, I don't regret faking the stutter because it _did _help me to shape myself.

So why did I say that I regret it so much before? That's because although it gave me an identity, the stutter pushed people away. At the time, throughout all of middle school really, this was all I wanted. I considered myself above most of the other kids. Really, middle schoolers are evil. So the by the time high school rolled around and a lot of those kids stopped being evil, I realized I actually wanted friends. But who would want to be friends with a girl with a stutter? Especially if they found out it was a fake stutter? I know even I would be put off if it wasn't me in the situation.

All I can say is, thank God for Artie. He may have turned out to be a terrible boyfriend, but he was (is?) a really good friend. He helped me to realize that pushing people away is just _not _something I should be doing. Because really, who wants to live their whole life alone? I don't, not anymore. Just being friends with Artie helped me to make even more friends. And now I have a life. Even though I feel bad about the way things turned out with Artie, now I have a really hot, popular boyfriend that I think I just might be in love with. My weekends aren't spent alone anymore.

I wonder if this could have happened a lot sooner if I just hadn't faked that stutter and instead just given the damn speech in sixth grade. Either way, I'm really kind of glad things turned out the way they did. I'm always going to regret faking a stutter, but I do not regret the events it led to. I hope that makes sense…

So yeah. Just a word the wise to anyone who reads this. Don't push people away. You just might find that when you want to pull them back, it's just not as easy as pushing them away was. I got lucky. I had someone there to help me pull them back to me. And not everyone is lucky as I have been.

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	7. Kurt

**Author's Note:** So I know some of you have been excited to get to Kurt's lie... and here it is! I'm actually really quite please by the way it turned out, even though sometimes Kurt REALLY annoys me. (No homophobia, I swear. Just sometimes his _me me me _personality really gets to me).

I'd like to say once again thank you for all the wonderful reviews, favorites, and story alerts. Every time I got a new one, my whole day is that much better.

So without further ado... Kurt Hummel reflects on the downsides of lying to oneself.

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**KURT**

"_She's going to end up disappointing him and breaking his heart and then he'll be crying into my shoulder pads."_

The worst kind of lie, I've learned, is one you tell to yourself. Especially when you know what you're trying to convince yourself isn't true but you keep convincing yourself of it anyways. That way the truth just stings all the more when it inevitably worms its way to the surface.

For years, I lied to everyone, including myself, about my sexual orientation. At first, I didn't _want _to be gay. I didn't want to be different. I didn't want to accept a future of pain, torture, and humiliation from my peers.

I didn't want, I didn't want, I didn't want.

But I guess what I didn't want doesn't matter because exactly that happened anyway. It took me until I was twelve to stop lying to myself and finally accept that I am gay and that is that. And it took me another four years to figure that different is _good. _Unless it's, you know, psycho crazy scary different (In other words, Rachel Berry different). But normal different (I believe I just stated the oxymoron of the century there), as in unique, special, is good.

What I still refuse to accept is a future of pain just because I'm gay. I will _never _accept that.

Maybe I'm just still lying to myself again. Maybe there are just too many ignoramuses in the world. Maybe homophobia can't be cured. (I like to think of homophobia as a disease. It makes the pain of it easier to bear). Regardless, I look forward to sometime in the future where I can be happy.

Once upon a time, I used to dream that happiness would be achieved with Finn by my side. Even though Finn is probably the straightest guy at our whole school. Just because of one probably insignificant encounter in the halls, I marked Finn down as my knight in shining armor. I may have overestimated him, I admit. While he really isn't a homophobe, he just isn't comfortable with me and my preferences. I think I had that figured out pretty quickly once I got to know him, but yet, I still hoped. I still hoped he was just too scared to come out and he just hid behind football and Quinn and jock friends and whatever else. I wanted to be the one to make himself comfortable with who he was.

Except the person Finn Hudson is is not gay. Or even bisexual in the slightest. But I kept telling myself that he was, and that eventually Quinn would destroy him (she did) and he would turn to me (but he didn't).

And yet, when he failed to do that, my hope only grew stronger. I pressed harder, I flirted more openly. My hopes and dreams (my lie to myself) culminated into this intense feeling I can imagine was _love. _

Then Finn destroyed it all with a small, two syllable word repeated over and over and seared into my brain forever.

Faggy. What I am and what he isn't.

I knew the instant he uttered that unforgivable word that it was done. I really, truly had no shot with Finn. He's a knight in shining armor, indeed, but not mine. Rachel's.

The funny thing is that I just can't find it in me to hate her anymore for it. Really, when you think about it, I'm completely justified in hating Rachel. She gets better grades; she gets more solos in Glee; she grew up in the understanding environment I could only have wished for. And she got Finn.

Rachel Berry has everything I have ever wanted. Except, of course, a superior fashion sense. In that one department, I have her _owned. _

So why don't I hate her anymore for having Finn? To that, I have no answer. Is it because he is happy with her? Because they're so cliché of a couple that it actually works? I still don't know.

But why I hate Rachel Berry doesn't matter. Not during this topic of discussion, at least.

What matters is that I have lied to myself my whole life. And doing so has nearly destroyed me countless times over. So right now, I have come to a New Year's Revolution partaken in November: Never, ever, shall I lie to myself again.

Really, lying to yourself hurts too much.

Take it from someone who knows and just don't do it.

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	8. Rachel

**Author's Note: **I'm baaaack! Ha, like I was ever anywhere. Sorry it took a couple days to get the next chapter up, but this week was really busy with schoolwork and other things, so it wasn't until today I got a chance to write this. I'm actually pleased with the way it turned out, even though I'm really not much of a Rachel fan. I feel like it gives her some sort of redemption (for what I have no idea, I just get this feeling) although I stuck in enough arrogant Berry moments to make me satisfied.

Also, after this chapter I only have four left and I'm completely at a loss for what to write next. I have a general idea on what I'm going to write for Puck, but I plan on leaving him last. So that leaves me with Artie, Sam, and Brittany. Honestly I'm drawing a blank for Artie and Sam, although for Brittany I have a couple of options, but none sound particularly enticing. So what I'm trying to say is, I'm looking for suggestions here. Just leave me review with one or message me, I don't care.

So finally... We take a look at the regrets of WMHS' resident diva/future Broadway star, Ms. Rachel Berry.

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**RACHEL **

"_Not that I'm dating anyone. We all know Finn and I are no longer an item and for the sake of the team I broke up with Jesse."_

I should have known lying about dating Jesse would come back and bite me in the arse. Well, I suppose it wasn't exactly lying about it that really did me in; but instead just dating him to begin with. But was I to know any better? Jesse was sweet, romantic, oh-so-talented, charming, good-looking… I could go on. True, perhaps some of it was an act, but he was such an impeccable actor that even I, with sixteen years of theatre experience, could not detect it. So what was I supposed to do? Here comes along this boy who seems to be my perfect other half, and I'm just supposed to ignore him and forget he exists just because he's from a rival glee club? I think not. So what logically follows is that I do whatever is necessary to be with Jesse. While usually I find the practice of lying despicable and loathsome (I mean, just look at what Quinn did to Finn by telling him he was the father of her baby!), lying to everyone about Jesse was absolutely necessary. As the saying goes, true love knows no bounds.

Yes, I really, truly was in love with Jesse St. James. Actually, I still am. He may actually be conniving, manipulative, and heartless, but I still love him. He may have crushed my heart into bits the same way he crushed the egg onto my head, but I still cannot fall out of love with Jesse. For the sake of the very valuable life of me, I cannot figure out why. Everything that happened between us is just proof that I should hate him with all of my guts. Well… except for the fact that he did say he loved me just before he broke the egg over my head.

For the all of the lies he told before, for all the strings on my heart he pulled, I sincerely believe that Jesse did not lie when he said he loved me.

Of course, he did use the word _loved_, as in past tense. As in he loved me once but did not any longer. But no matter.

So if I'm still in love with Jesse, why do I regret lying about our relationship before he transferred? Or really, why do I regret dating him?

The answer to that is quite simple. Although I happen to still love him, he crushed me. He used me. He wounded my pride. As may be quite apparent, I have a very fragile heart. I also am a very emotional and proud person. So none of the aforementioned offenses bode very well, as I'm sure you can imagine. If I could, I would turn back time so none of this would have happened, just to save the emotional state of my heart. The pain after he broke it off with me was just _unbearable_.

I'm lucky to have Finn now. Yes, for those of you who are most certainly wondering, I do love Finn. But not nearly as much as I am in love with Jesse. However, I can never, ever be with Jesse again so I must be content with Finn. He is a fantastic man, and I know I am lucky to be able to call him my own. But yet… I can't bring myself to be fully happy with Finn. I know I _should _be. He is everything that I once wanted so badly, and now that I have him, I just cannot bring myself to appreciate it. When I'm with him, I cannot help but compare him to Jesse, and almost every time I find myself wishing I was with Jesse instead.

Finn is everything Jesse is not, Jesse is everything that Finn is not. Sometimes I wish I could combine the best qualities of each into one boy. He would be perfect. A lovely mash-up of their stunning good looks, an even more fabulous mixture of their singing voices, Finn's just all around niceness, and Jesse's romanticism and charm. But I know that is wishing for too much.

You can't always get what you want. Too many times this has proven itself to be abundantly true in my life. I can't have all the solos in glee; I can't avoid being slushied completely; I can't have my mother back; and I certainly can't have a mash-up of Finn and Jesse.

So where does this leave me? I suppose I'm just to live my life as it is now. I will keep on loving Jesse with all my heart, but still regretting it every step of the way. I will keep on dating Finn. I still will not get all the solos that I deserve to receive in glee. I will continue to be slushied occasionally. My mother will not be a part of my life, but instead a part of my _enemy's _daughter's(I cannot tell you how much it stung to have Shelby choose Quinn's illegitimate daughter over _me_). But anyways…

I will keep hurting everyday over Jesse. But I will still love him endlessly.

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	9. Puck

**Author's Note:** So I lied. Twice. First I said there wouldn't be anyone else in love with Quinn, but I couldn't think of anything else for Puck's lie so now there are three (possibly four, I'm undecided about Sam) glee club members in love with Quinn. And really, we all _know _Puck's in love with her. It's not like it can be denied.

Secondly, I said Puck would be last, but then I thought up of what I think might be a BRILLIANT lie for Brittany (so I don't need any suggestions for her) and I think she needs to go last now.

Also, I've decided on what to use for Artie's lie. So now all I need is suggestions for Sam, if you'd be so kind.

And without any further ado, Noah Puckerman laments the way he told Quinn he loved her.

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**PUCK**

"_Yes. Especially now."_

I have always been in love with Quinn Fabray. As long as I can remember, I haven't ever really wanted any girl but her. Sure, I may sleep around and I may be a man-whore, but it's only because she's never wanted me the way I want her and I need _something _to fill the void she's left.

I need _something _to fill the void left by the insane, overly-religious, brilliant, heartless, beautiful, lying Quinn Fabray. She's torn my heart out to many times to count but I still love her so ridiculously much I have to fight not to scream every time I see her with that douche bag Sam.

It's twisted, really, that it would be her that I would fall for. The first time I spoke to her was immediately after she punched me in the face for tripping Santana in kindergarten. I should have known then that any sort of relationship would never work between us, but instead I fell in love with her the instant her fist touched my face.

That's why I regret telling her I loved her only after she decided to give our baby away. Maybe if I had told her sooner, before we had sex even, she could have fallen in love with me too.

So yeah, I know this reflection is supposed to be about a lie I regret, not just my regrets. And what I wrote is a lie. Not that I love Quinn is a lie, but that I loved her most in the moment we stood looking down at our baby girl. I'd always loved her with all of my heart, and there was no way I could ever love her more. I wish I had told her that, made her understand that she is the sun and the moon to me. Instead I was too afraid of sounding like a fucking sap so instead I sounded like I loved her most only after she gave birth to our child.

No wonder Quinn doesn't love me. For such a badass, I'm a freaking _coward._

_

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One last thing: I'd like to apologize for Puck's reflection being so short. I couldn't think of anything else to say, and frankly, the actual Puck probably wouldn't have written anything more than this if he did the assignment so all. So just consider it staying in character._  
_


	10. Artie

**Author's Note: **Nothing much to say here, except for a small warning. Moderate Artie self-bashing. Fully deserved, too, I might add. While I believe that at heart Artie is a good guy, a lot of the time he's just kind of a tool. Sorry if you're an Artie fan. Or a Bartie shipper, cuz I don't treat them kindly here, even though I do think that they're actually pretty cute together. I mean, come on. Magic freakin' comb! Totally adorbz.

Okay, so that was more than a small warning. Oh well. Here you go. Artie Abrams contemplates just how much of a jerk he truly is.

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**ARTIE **

_"Now I... I think I want her back."_

It wasn't until Mr. Schuester assigned this... reflection, or whatever it is, that I realized how much of I jerk I am. I mean, I always knew that I'm not exactly the best person you're going to find in Lima, but I kind of figured being paralyzed at eight years old and being stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life kind of made that okay. I had a right to act however I wanted to when I'm stuck like this, right?

No. I really don't. And I didn't really realize that until I began considering what lie I regret most. Tina told me a thousand times that I'm a jerk, although mostly it was in an affectionate way because it was while we were dating. It wasn't until after she dumped me that I figured out that she actually meant it. And I actually deserve it too.

Truth is, I objectify girls. I say really bad things about other people behind their backs. I use my chair as an excuse for everything. I'm manipulative. I considered myself superior to almost everybody. Thankfully, that last one I changed pretty easily.

And perhaps worst, I use people.

Most recently, Brittany.

Brittany is great, but I don't feel anything more than friendship for her. It's completely horrible of me to string her along like this, I know. She's probably the nicest person in all of Lima, maybe even all of Ohio, and she doesn't deserve this. She deserves someone who will really love her. Who will take care of her, because God knows she needs that. Someone who will laugh all the ridiculous things she says instead of just rolling their eyes. She needs someone who would do anything for her.

She needs Santana.

Even though I know Brittany really does have feelings for me, it's no secret she's really in love with Santana. And I legitimately believe that Santana loves her back, despite the tough, HBIC, never fall in love demeanor she has. And bitch that she is, Santana would do all the things Brittany needs. Right now, I'm probably the only thing keeping them from each other.

Because I'm a huge jerk.

I want Tina back. More than anything. She was, no, she still is the love of my life. Maybe I just get too attached to things because of my paraplegia, but I really do love her. And I know she loved me once too, even if she did think I was jerk at the same time.

Let's face it. Given my condition, I'm not as likely find someone else to spend the rest of my life with, as say, well anyone else in the glee club. It's not impossible, of course, but how many women are likely to give me a chance once real life starts?

Not very. No one's going to give me a second glance when I'm not in high school anymore, except perhaps for a look of pity. That's why I need to get Tina back. She loved me once, and she can do it again, I'm sure. The only reason I'm going out with Brittany is to make Tina jealous. (Although you probably had that figured out already). Sadly, I don't think it's working. Tina doesn't really seem to care about Britt and I. Well, she did look mildly perturbed when she found out that we were actually a thing, but other than that, nothing.

It seems all my efforts are gone to waste. Which makes it even worse that I don't break up with Brittany. I'm letting her think that I actually like her. And while she may love Santana, I think it's possible she could fall in love with me, which would make the inevitable act of breaking up with her even harder. It's not like we would ever last anyway, though. Once Brittany actually fell in love me, Santana would be sure to swoop in and beat my ass. Even if she didn't, we just would not work in the long-long term. So yeah, that makes it worse for me to keep using her, knowing that Tina or not, Santana or not, this won't last.

But I know I won't break up with her anytime soon. Even as I begin to dislike myself more and more, I still need Tina. And Brittany is still my best shot at getting her back.

And I'm still a jerk. Life sucks.

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Gah. Things got a little messy there at the end. :P. Ah well. I'm far too lazy to re-write it.

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	11. Sam

**READ THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE FIRST. I DON'T CARE IF YOU USUALLY SKIP AUTHOR'S NOTES. READ THIS ONE!**

Now that I hopefully have your attention, I'd like to say I really hate this one, for a number of reasons. First, to keep my conscience as clear as possible, I knew I couldn't make Sam in love with Quinn seeing as I already have three people in love with her. So, I had to make him not gay, but certainly not straight. I stubbornly refuse to believe Sam is really gay, and I hate Kam with a passion. But I thought that if Sam's secret wasn't really going to have anything to do with Quinn, then it should be something about his sexuality, which is always under scrutiny. The second reason I hate this is the horrible spelling and grammar. For anyone who forgot, Sam is dyslexic, which means he has trouble with reading and writing. I don't know the specifics of it, and I don't know if I wrote as a dyslexic high schooler really would, but I tried to make it seem as if Sam really had written it. So don't anyone be angry that it's kind of really horrible. I think it's still readable. The last reason I hate this is because I couldn't think of anything else to add to this once I had typed out what I had already written, and short chapters really bother me. But I guess Sam, like Puck, prob_Love?_ably wouldn't write much anyway, not because he didn't want to, but because it would be harder for him. So yeah.

Sam Evans laments his life as a coward.

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**SAM**

_"No, I'm not gay. Not at all."_

I am a cowerd. Contradictery as it seems, I am not afrade to admit that. Its the truth. Whatever else I may be, I stand by the truth. I dont lie, unless it is absolootly nesessary. That's why there's really only two main lies I have told since ariving at Mckinley. All the little white lies have just ben part of those 2 lies. Those are:

1. I actually do die my hair. I was to ashamed to admit this to anyone but Quinn. This is'nt the lie i most regret though. The other 1 is.

2. I'm not straight. thats not to say I'm gay either, or even bisexual (I dont beleeve in labels) Also I dont beleve in falling with either _boys _or _girls_. I beleve in falling in love with an actual person.

Despight that, I do tend to like boys more. Don't get all angry about me using Quinn though. She's reely pretty (Oh, God, her eyes) and she really is great, but I don't love her. Maybe I could someday, but evrything with the promis ring and all has just been to keep peeple from suspecting about my sexality. I do feel bad for using her. Altho I dont like to admit this, I care far too much about popularitee and stuff. That's why I'm dating Quinn. And why I'm so deetermined to be corterback. It's why I won't tell peeple heer about my sexality. I dont want to bee like Kurt, constantly teezed and tormented & finally forsed to run away. Im happy enuff to wait untill coledge (assuming I can get in) to find somebody I truly want to be with, boy or girl. Hopefully I can find someone I can be onest to, regardless of gender. But thats where it comes back to me being a coward. As much as I act like a tough guy, I'm to afrad to be onest until I can get to a place where I know I will be acksepted. And i reely hate that about myself. But as much as I would like too, as hard as I try, I cant stop from hiding who I reely am.

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	12. Brittany

**Author's Note: **It's here. The one I'm guessing many of you have been waiting for. The last chapter. BRITTANY. Yes, Brittany, bitches. And I may have given a warning before to expect horrible, horrible writing when we came to this chapter, but actually, I had a stroke of genius (or at least I hope it's genius) and it's no longer horrible. I won't say anymore than that right now, so just read on. I may have to edit this later, but since it's midnight and I'm tired and it's almost Christmas, I'm posting it as it is and then getting my ass in bed.

So... Brittany S. Pierce laments her "confusion" of music and ducks.

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**BRITTANY**

_"It's a male duck."_

I know what a ballad is. I always have known. A ballad is a narrative verse set to music. In other words, it's a musical story.

Does this surprise you? Do you really think I'm actually as stupid as everyone believes? I'm not. Not at all.

Recipes don't confuse me. Actually, I'm quite good at deciphering them.

I never dated a seven year old. I might not be eighteen, but I'm still pretty sure that's still pedophilia.

I know how to turn a computer on. I'm typing this, aren't I?

I know I'm not more talented than the rest of glee club. My ears work, I hear Rachel when she sings.

I know Santa doesn't exist. In fact, I'm one of those kids who never believed he did.

No, this isn't Santana trying to prank you. I, Brittany S. Pierce, am a certified genius. There are papers to prove it if you don't believe me. You see, before I moved to Lima, I was that girl who is too smart for their own good. My grades were perfect. But I had no friends. Everyone always felt inferior around me, even when I tried not to be superior. And I hated it. I know there's those other genius kids out there who don't mind being friendless, that feel as if friends are only a liability when it comes to ruling the world someday. But I wasn't one of them. I'm a social person, and adults were the only ones who ever liked me. Unfortunately, I craved the company of my peers, not of stuffy teachers trying to prepare me to better the world with my intelligence.

Because I could, if I wanted to. But I don't. I just wanted to be normal. However, it seemed pretty clear that's what I was going to end up doing with my life.

But then, the summer after eighth grade, my parents died.

No one in Lima knows this, not even Santana, who sometimes I think suspects I'm not really stupid. No one knows that the people I live with now are only adoptive parents. Adoptive parents, who only want me to be happy, unlike my real parents. So once I figured out that they would let me be whoever I want to be, I knew it was time to change. I spent the rest of that summer practicing my ditz act and working out so I could join the Cheerios. The first time I met the sixteen year old boy who lived next door, I had my first kiss and then proceeded to lose my virginity within the hour.

It was perfect. I knew what it took to be popular in high school. Or at least, I knew what it took at the high school I had was meant to attend my before my biological parent's deaths. There, you couldn't be any more intelligent that the norm at all. You had to be an athlete of some sort. And the final step to popularity: sleep around. Or a be a slut, if you'd like to look at it in less eloquent terminology.

At McKinley it's different. Although the act I have created did certainly make me popular, I didn't need to be so extreme. Sure, Cheerios was a given, but I could have settled with pretending to only be slightly smarter than average. Also, I don't need to be a slut here. But it's too late to turn back now.

I hate getting C's and D's and F's on my report cards, when I know I could be getting all A+'s. I hate guys looking at me, knowing that more likely than not, I'll sleep with them if they ask. I don't hate Cheerios, but that's mostly because of Santana. Cheerios is really the only positive thing I have gotten out of this whole act. Well, kind of positive. Anything that involves Sue Sylvester cannot be accurately described as a good thing.

So what does any of this have to do with my "confusion" of ballads and male ducks? When I said that, it was then that it became too late to turn back if I wanted to. During freshman year, I flew mostly under the radar. I kept the ditziness to a minimum. No one ever thought I was smart, but no one ever thought I was retarded either. Despite being best friends with Quinn and Santana, I wasn't that popular for a Cheerio. Regardless, I was still far more popular than I had ever been in what I like to think of as "my old life." And the taste of popularity I had made me greedy. I knew if I said something completely and utterly retarded, people would notice me more, which would eventually lead to a higher level of popularity. Obviously, there's probably better ways I could have gone about attaining this, but creativity has never been my strong point, even though I'm a genius. So when Mr. Schue asked what a ballad was, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. And no one has looked at me the same since.

At first, I loved it. Everything went as planned. I continued saying stupid things, and people indeed noticed me more often. I became more popular, and I started sleeping around even more. Back then, all I really thought about was popularity and sex, so it was all good.

But then I fell in love with Santana. I'm not sure when it happened. All I know is that we went into glee club sophomore year as best friends with benefits and came out of it that year in love. Or at least, I did. I know Santana's not in love with me, even though she thinks I'm oblivious to this.

I know she's in love with Quinn. I see the way Santana watches her when she thinks no one else is looking. It's the same way I used to look at her, whether people were watching or not. (I also may have hacked San's computer to check her own paper, and it indeed confirmed that she loves Q). But I knew anyway. I'm much more observant that people give me credit for.

So I also know that Quinn is still in love with Finn. And that Finn is in love with Santana, who, as already established, is in love with Quinn. Such a juicy love triangle no one knows exists but me.

To add to that confusion, I can tell Mike and Puck are also in love with Quinn. Tina is in love with Mike, although that's kind of obvious. Artie is still hopelessly in love with Tina. Sam isn't in love with Quinn, despite the promise ring he gave her, and in fact I'm fairly sure he's bisexual. I don't know this for sure, but I'm also convinced Rachel still loves Jesse.

And of course, last but not least, I'm in love with Artie. Yeah, I actually am. Everyone thinks I'm just using him, and at first I was, but now I actually love him, even though it's oh so obvious to me he still wants Tina.

But what about Santana?, you ask. Didn't I just say I was in love with her?

Exactly. I _was._ Until she me apart, when she said it to my face that she's not in love with me. Of course I already knew that, but it finally hearing the words was the last straw. I moved on from the hopeless dream that one day she may love me. I can tell she's tried, but she can't bring herself to forget about Quinn.

So what does any of the glee club's secret passions have anything to do with lying about my intelligence? It was when I fell in love with Santana that I realized I didn't want the image I had cultivated for myself anymore. Before I realized she loves Quinn, I though Santana was all I needed. The constant airhead remarks (because seriously, thinking of those takes a lot more brainpower than you would think) and the constant sex finally got to me. I realized that although being popular had been awesome, I missed being smart. Santana would have appreciated me just the way I was if I was truthful to her. She's far more loyal than people think.

But it's too late now. I can't take any of it back. I'm stuck with being the ditzy blonde Cheerio for the rest of my life.

I let the craving for popularity get the better of me, and now I'm screwed.

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_Well. That didn't end exactly how I wanted it to, but I still like this a whole lot more than the last few chapters I've written. Which is good, because this is officially the end of this story. For now, at least. I'm considering writing an aftermath of these lies, perhaps where Sue steals the papers and spreads the content around, but for now, I'm done. So leave this on story alert, because if I ever write that I'll be sure to attach a new chapter with a note alerting people of that being published. I think (I think) story alert still works even if a story is marked complete. _

_So... one last time. **Love? Hate? In between? Whatever you feel, leave me a review! It's too late to think of another clever way to pawn for reviews, so please, just do it. **_

_**And now I bid you adieu, my lovely readers. Thanks for anyone who has stuck with this! All the reviews, favorites, and story alerts mean more to me than I can really say.  
**_


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